Ever had a point of time when you felt everything was wrong? Like everything was seriously wrong. Ever felt like you were dying? The world spinning so hard that you have to hold on to something to prevent from falling? Your eyes blurring so much that you can't even see your fingers? I think my gastric is somehow failing on me. The amount of blood I vomit every morning is getting more and more. And my migraines are getting worse, to the extend of having sleepless nights every now and then. Sleeping pills no longer work. Even if I eat more than I'm suppose to, I still can't sleep. My headache cannot be solve by panadols anymore. It hurts so much that I feel like ending my life to stop the pain. I tried cutting myself to divert the pain, but after a while, the pain comes back again. Can anyone help me? This pain is getting unbearable. I fear I'm losing faith in everything. Death seems so near and yet so far. All you need is a little push and you're off the ledge. Falling to your death, feeling the wind brushing pass you. All you need is a little push and your life ends like that. Where's my little push when I need one?
Life is so contradicting. At first you say you're tired of this life. But after numerous attempts of ending it, you found out that there's plenty of things holding you back. You might not have to courage to die just yet. Like me, always backing out at the last minute when everything was going fine. Always standing on the ledge at the top of the building staring down at the ground many stories beneath you. But never once did I jump. Always cutting myself till it hurts and bleed. But never once did I die. Always standing at the edge of the road waiting to dive out at an speeding car. But never once did I dive. Death, an end to everything? Perhaps not. But it seems that not everyone has the courage to do so. You just have to wait till your time comes. Where's my little push when I need one?