Let's see, another nine more miserable days to my fucking miserable 19th birthday. Why do I say it's miserable? I don't really know. I'm not really looking forward to it. On the contrary, I was hoping if there was any way I can avoid it. First of all, I have not celebrated my birthdays ever since I can remember. My last birthday was playing MapleSea overnight at Kevin's house with Jasmine. The rest I don't remember much, maybe there wasn't any celebrations at all. As my birthday is in December, I usually stay at home and sleep throughout the day. Sleeping is actually the best way to spend your birthday. Why? You can dream about anything you want for your birthday. And you probably can't remember anything if supposedly you had any nightmares. And the best part is, it's absolutely free.
Anyway, the tradition will continue on this year and for many years to come. I would like to say a big thank you for those who offered to celebrate my birthday with me. I was expecting only 1 or 2 person but it turned out to be quite a handful of you. I'm thankful, really. But I'm sorry that I won't be celebrating with anyone of you. I need sometime alone. I'm sorry if I ignored anyone of you recently, I haven't been feeling myself recently. I don't know why. But I guess the problem lies with me, what a pathetic person I am.
It's really pathetic to get rejected when you ask someone out on your birthday. And it's even more pathetically pathetic when the person reluctantly agrees to your invitation out of sympathy. What's worse is that the person happens to be someone you like. Then you'll be like, "She's going out with me because she feels sad for me. And she probably thinks that I'm a desperate." I don't mean this in a bad way, but this is how I feel. I may be over-reacting. And you'll go, "It's just a birthday, why do you have to make such a big fuss out of it?" Ya, you're right. It's just another birthday. It's just another fucking birthday.

I miss you so much it hurts.
Fuck.