So now I ask for a chance; just one more.

There’s always this fine line separating love and hate. And once you’ve crossed it, then there’s no chances of coming back.

But sometimes, it’s not that easy to cross that line. Love is love. I don’t have to prove it with my actions, I see no point anyway. Because I know you’ll never like me. I may do childish things just to spite you, I may say stupid things to anger you, but I just want to find out if you care. This one whole year has been really fruitful for me, for I’ve got to know you more. And it’s also pretty saddening for me because I found out how weak I am, how inferior I am as compared to others.
I shall say this for the last time. I never once thought of you as making use of me. Every time I mention about things my friends say, I was actually trying to get a positive response from you. But I somehow portrayed myself as being ironic and stuff. You seriously think I cared about what other people said? I was a lot of things to you, ironic, fickle-minded, sarcastic, it’s always the bad stuff. You helped me see a lot of myself. I found out that I am only suitable to be a friend, in fact, just a normal friend, never a good one.

You often say I don’t know what I want. My mind still hasn’t change after this whole year. What I want is still you. Remember what I told you last year on Feb? Remember I told you I will wait for you for 17 years? You still remembered why I said that? I guess you don’t. These little things don’t matter as much to you it matters to me. You see how we affect each other differently? Every little thing you do affects me greatly. I’m like living in a snow globe on your hands. Every time you move, my world shakes. And everything I do, you’ll just think of me as a friend helping, just another friend. So what’s the point of asking me what I want when I know what I want is what I’ll never get. Throughout this whole year, what I wanted slowly changed to waiting for you. There’s really nothing I can do, except wait and wait. And I know, even when you’re single, even when you’re ready for a relationship, even when you’re ready for commitment, I’ll still be only a friend to you. I don’t mind just being a friend. Because I know nothing last forever, relationships don’t even last decades. But what I want to know is have you ever thought of me as someone whom you think has at least one percent of chance to be with you someday? I have. But my chances and percentage drops every time I see you, the more I know you, the more I know I don’t stand a chance. We’re just too different. Like you said, I’m fickle-minded, I’m childish, I’m ironic, and I’m nonsense. We’re different not just in character; we’re different in many ways too. We’re different in status, you’re rich, and I’m poor. I know you’ll probably say this doesn’t matter and so on. But I say romance is romance, at the end of it all, you still have to come back and face reality. I know how you get tired of people easily if you spend every day together with them. I’ve been through this before. You may not say it, and you may not know it. But it’s true. We’re just too different to even be friends.

Actually I’m really surprised that you’ll write those things at your blog. You seldom write about me, not as a friend, not as an acquaintance. You only write about me if we go out or something. Sometimes I wonder if I’m really that insignificant in your life, because to me, you meant the whole world. I’m not good in relationships, and I admit I’m selfish, I only think for myself. I don’t know how to do things to please you. I don’t know how to say things to make you happy. I don’t know what to do to make you believe. I can only write these things which you always deemed as nonsense. I don’t even know if you’ll read this long post of nonsense.

You still remember where we first met? And how we almost met earlier but you couldn’t find the place I was working at. You still remember the very first movie we watched? I still have the movie tickets; it’s still with me, in my wallet. You still remember where were you when I sent you the first message? You still remember what I asked for when you went to NTUC with your parents? You still remember the flavor of the cheesecake I bought for you while you were working? You still remember how I used to count the number of "walaoehs" you said? If given a chance, I would go back to exactly a year ago and change everything. But reality doesn’t allow that. So now I ask for a chance; a chance to prove that I know what I want. So now I ask for your hand; which I promise never to let go. So now I ask for your heart for safe keeping; so that you’ll never run away again.

So now I ask for a chance; just one more.