12/01/11

12/01/11
Today is first time I'm spending a day alone without meeting you.

I'm still not used to it yet, but I'll get used to it sooner or later. I have to.

It may take months, or maybe a year or two. But it will happen.

Since I'm the one who gave up on this relationship, I should be the one making sure it stays this way.

But I'm surprised you didn't even bothered to do anything when I'm angry this morning.

You just sent a "Okay i know you are angry."

Maybe you got tired of doing anything, maybe you think you deserved better.

You're a nice girl, you really should deserve better. Not some jerk like me.

Perhaps it's time for you to forget that I love you.

You don't need to remember anymore, just let your brain do it's job by erasing that painful memory.

I was really scared you'll leave me during my army days, but I guess I should be more afraid of you leaving me now.

I'm sorry we won't get to go those places I promised we would go.

I'm sorry we won't get to do those things I promised we would do. I'm sorry I can't keep my promises.
What's the point of saying sorry when everything is over?

I finally understand how you feel whenever I get angry.

The helplessness, the feeling that there's nothing I can do except saying sorry.

I'm sure you're not dwelling in the past like what I'm doing. I'm sure you'll move along fine.

You'll find the perfect guy who won't throw his temper at you, a guy who won't swing his hands away every time he is angry,

a guy who won't give up easily by saying that he wants a breakup.

You deserved that perfect, but he ain't me. I ain't perfect guy, I can't be that guy.

I have a lot of flaws, and no good points. I guess that's why you gave up so easily.

Anyway, I know it's not your fault, it's mine. I'm too stubborn for my own good.

I can't think in your shoes, I can't read your mind.

I used to think that perhaps you're the one I'm supposed to spend the rest of my life with,

and that we met each other too late in life.

But that's wrong, we should meet each other when we're more matured, when we're ready to love.

Sigh, I guess that's all I want to say for now. I'll write a post a day for you to know how I'm doing.

When the day that I've stopped writing arrives, it is the day that I've stopped loving you.

爱你的老公